ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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