I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
