please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
