Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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