I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
