Dual....:-)
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
