Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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