u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
