Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize