Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
