that's an acceptable place to lick
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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