her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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