I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The adults are the big ones right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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