hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
