I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
