I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
