I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
