Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
