I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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