Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
