i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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