Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
