Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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