I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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