I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
