i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
