Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
