No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
