Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's rum buckets o'clock
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
