Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I know her cup size but not her name....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
