FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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