If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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