What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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