My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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