If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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