awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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