I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
