i already hear my dad disowning me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize