You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
