i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he thought i was a dude.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
