pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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