Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
