My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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