): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
