I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
