Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
