maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize