That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
