I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
