my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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