You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
