FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
