Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize