You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
