Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize