did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
