Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just invented taco cereal.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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