Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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