i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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