I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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