Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
