Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
