just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize