I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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