i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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