we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
