just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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