Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
