I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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