mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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