Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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