Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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