my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i drank out of a bidet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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