Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
