Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
