i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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