i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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