when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
