what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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