I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
