I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
