I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
