Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
