Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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